Thank you very much.
I have been doing as you instructed and watching a video each day.. it is so rich with information. The third video was very eye opening.. it helped me make sense of why I’m with the guy I’m with… I had a mother who had a very unsuccessful relationship with my father who didn’t want children. She managed to live with him but they essentially lived separate lives while she raised the 4 of us.
Since I was a very sick and sensitive child, she watched over me very closely for the first 7-8 years, but then withdrew from me around then.. she had the kind of relationship that was warm one minute, very cold the next if I disappointed her. She was always threatening to leave the family too which terrified me because I felt I really needed her. She never left, she only threatened all of the time.
Father was busy working multiple jobs and was rarely home and then when he was home, was in bed and we weren’t to disturb him.
We would spend time with him on Sundays and wednesdays nights when we had church. He was a very handsome and charismatic person and was an assistant pastor. Today he is retired.
Everybody loved him, but we his family knew the real him that was a very mean, backbiting, cursing, angry, miserable person who always spoke about how evil the world was and how God needed to come back. Because like you, I knew I was gay from an early age on, I was terrified of God coming back because I knew that I would be left behind to go to hell.
I would always come home from school as a child and when my mom wouldn’t be there or forgot to pick me up, I would think God came and got her and left me.
I would cry until she would find me.
When I hit puberty and began growing I was terrified of becoming a man because I thought I would turn into my father and he was not the kind of person I wanted to be like..
I tried to disassociate my mind from my body to stay a child, but I couldn’t hide the fact that I was becoming a man and that I had urges…
I wanted to be with a man and in a relationship so bad, but I could never find anyone.. the ones I like never seemed to like me or even be gay and so they would bully me..
I dream of finding happiness with a guy, but I still don’t know what that would look like.
I liked your videos and how they teach what kind of consciousness I am connected to and why I enjoy being what you call a homosexual man and a bottom man. I do not identify with the gay movement and the social group that it includes. I don’t think my sexual preference should determine who I hang around and what I should act like.
I just want to be with a man and raise a family and have a terrific life together..
Sometimes I even wonder if it would be nice to be with two men and form a threesome couple to raise a family with.. I am openminded.. I just don’t know if that would work because I wouldn’t want jealousy and other drama to enter the picture.. I’m not sure a threesome healthy threesome exists. I just want a community of people who support each other and who love each other and all share in the burdens of life to make for a happy life together.
I will continue to listen to your videos… I hope you do not mind me sending you emails after watching videos.. i appreciate your feedback.
I was curious.. you have a new video series on masterbation… would you be able to set me up on a payment plan to learn that next as I am very interested in learning how to use my body to gain pleasure not only for me, but I would also like to learn how to pleasure my partner more.